i hate performing

so, last night emily and i played at the roasterie...a nice coffee shop here in kansas city. it was SO much fun! if i can toot my own horn a little...we did great! i felt like we were both so at ease that it was as if we were just singing in my living room. the last couple of weeks i really wanted to back out. we've had so much going on in our lives...from starting to interview at churches, tony working doubles, and jonah being a lot more of a handful...that i just felt a little overwhelmed. plus, i was just so dang nervous! in college, i used to get nervous EVERY single time before a concert or recital. the last year or so, it's gotten a lot better. not that i perform a lot, but leading music on sundays does the same thing to me. it took a good 6 months before i didn't feel like my stomach was going to explode every sunday morning! luckily yesterday i had to work so that took my mind off of the whole thing for a few hours. but, around 3:45 the fun began...yup, the normal nerves kicked in.
when we got up to sing, though, i was totally fine. i felt so relaxed and at home up there. i'm sure a lot of it was the venue. the people were all so welcoming (and mostly friends) and the atmosphere was very laid back. it helped to have emily standing beside me too. when i did a few songs on my own i felt a little nervous but still nothing like how i used to feel all throughout a concert.
so i guess what i'm saying is that i always thought i hated performing. i hate being the center of attention. i hate being up in front of people. i hate having everyone staring at me. i hate talking in front of more than 10 people. i hate feeling like my stomach might just crawl up and die for hours beforehand. but last night i LOVED it! it just felt so natural. i loved sharing music with the crowd. and i even talked and didn't really mind. (yes, it was super cheesy, but talking none-the-less!)
i am so pumped about singing again. we're going to try and get another 'gig' lined up at the roasterie. (gig sounds so silly to say...like i'm a rock star or something). and hopefully we can play at other places around town. i'm only sad that we didn't do this earlier. who knows where we (the jecks) will be in the next few months.
but...while i'm here, i'm gonna sing my little heart out.