waiting...

well, it's been pretty busy the last few weeks. tony finally graduated!!! (technically he walked and got his diploma cover with nothing in it, but still.) one week of class left and he's done with classes for a l--o--n--g time. YEA!

my parents came in town for tony's graduation/mother's day/help me with jonah while tony was in MI. it was good to see them again and have jonah to get to know them better. we had fun. tony was in MI most of the time they were here for his friend's (joel h.) wedding. he got back in town just in time for lunch on mother's day. we went to a place we've been quite a few times before, but it turned out they were having a special brunch (which we didn't know until we sat down) and it was pretty pricey. we still had fun, though. tony got an ipod for graduation. he was really surprised. i was so glad! he absolutely loves it. of course, now he tries to come to bed with his ipod on, headphones in ears. that's what i get i guess! :)

we had an interview with the pastor from a church in venice, FL. we thought it went well, but he decided to bring someone else for a second interview. crap....right on the beach, 3 bedroom house and utilities completely taken care of, great church, right on the beach (oops, already said that). anyway...it didn't work out. BUT, we had a phone interview last saturday with the pastor from a church in lilburn, GA. we're still waiting to hear back on that one. it's a perfect location (although not on the beach) and i know the pastor and his wife from nashville. from what little we know, i think it would be a great place to serve. i'm trying not to get my hopes up though. in fact, after our last 2 interviews, i'm almost expecting not to be asked to come. maybe that's bad of me, but it's true. better to be surprised than disappointed i guess.

the last few weeks i've really felt "released", i guess you could say, from kansas city and everything here. work and church are the 2 things that i'll really miss, but things have been changing at both places and i just feel like it's my time to move on. i'm not going to be in a hurry though. i'm trying to be patient. i know it may be months before we find a church where we feel we need to be. i just hope it's not that long! i hate feeling like i'm in transition. i've kind of felt that way since i moved out here, but more so now. so...it's hard, but i'm trusting and i know everything will work out in the end.

and i will leave you with the cutest mohawked baby boy you'll ever see...

strange winds are a blowin'

the last few weeks have been very interesting. i feel like perhaps God is opening up some new ideas to me. maybe not necessarily 'new', but more concrete. i wrote awhile back about performing at the cafe and how great it was. it's weird...it was a lot of fun but in the days that followed, thinking about performing again did not excite me. i couldn't for the life of me figure out why. it took a lot of soul-searching, praying, journaling, and talking to somewhat understand what was going on. so...get ready for my ground-shaking discoveries:
first, i realized that, although i really enjoyed the night at the cafe and singing with emily, i still don't like to perform. it's just not in me. plus getting into the whole artsy, music community is not me either!
second, i realized that the time i'd have to be away from tony and jonah in order to practice/perform/etc. wasn't worth giving up. i really like being with my family and the times that we are all together are too few already. tony's work schedule SUCKS and i never get to spend quality time with him except on saturdays and sundays. plus i really like hanging out with jonah and i miss him when we're not together. our times together, as a family, are sacred to me and giving those up to do something i'm not all that excited about doing anyway just didn't seem right.
i also realized that the only arena of music that i'd like to fit into my schedule eventually is choral music. that's not really a possibility now because who knows when we'll be leaving, but i want to seek that out wherever we go from here. i miss choir like crazy...sometimes so much so that i feel like crying. (not that that's hard to imagine or anything!) i think i like it more too because it's not me doing my own thing, but it's me being a part of something bigger and more amazing than i could ever be on my own.
i still really want to be a part of leading worship. i know it seems crazy because it's being up in front of people, but it isn't performing to me. it's something completely different. i really hope and pray that wherever we go, i'll be able to be a part of that...even if i'm not necessarily the 'leader'; although i'd really like to be the 'leader' and be able to devote more time to all aspects of leading worship. who knows. guess we'll just have to wait and see.
and finally, i think i'm ready to explore the songwriting end of things more deeply. i love to write...mostly because it's cathartic...and i've always toyed with the idea of just being a songwriter, but i've always had a small, selfish part of me that wanted to hold on to it. 'it's my music so i want to sing it, not let somebody else do it.' but i'm realizing more and more that i can't, and don't want to, hold on to it like that anymore. plus i really want to write more music for the church. there are so many crappy 'worship songs' out there....maybe not so much 'crappy' as just not very deep or theologically sound. i haven't completely fleshed it out (and who knows, i may never be able to!) but i know it's where my heart is leaning.

whew...so that's a lot. i know there's more to be discovered too, but it will just take time. it's all exciting and new, but a little strange too; definitely not what i pictured happening. funny how that works. i'm starting to get a little antsy about the future too...but that's for another day. let's just suffice it to say that we have no idea where we're going and no concrete possibilities. so, if you think of it, pray for us.
just one picture to leave you with today...my absolutely gorgeous baby boy (just like daddy!) i know, i know...

21 lbs

jonah is now, as of friday, officially 9 months old. i still can't believe it! he had his dr.'s appointment today and we found out that he's 21 lbs and 29 1/2 inches. the doc said everything looked great and thankfully he didn't have to get any shots this time around. i always feel so bad for him when they stick his little legs. i always kinda wanted a chunker for a baby and i don't think that's gonna be jonah. he's a pretty lean guy. i guess that figures...look at his daddy! plus he's moving around so much now that it seems like any fat just melts away.

in other news, i found out today that brian and heather (my bro and sis-in-law) are having a girl!!! hope they don't care that i just announced it to the world. i'm so exciting! i'm gonna have a niece! this is the first girl on my side of the family so you know she is gonna be s-p-o-i-l-e-d rotten.

nothing else all that exciting to write about. we found out about a church in north carolina that needs a youth pastor and a worship pastor. we're checking into it. i think the worship pastor position would be full-time though...not sure if that would work out. tony also got a call from another church in north carolina looking for a youth pastor. we're checking that out too. it's all a little stressful to think about, but i know that God will provide. i'm just antsy to get out of kansas city. i still just don't feel like it's my home and i'm ready to be in a place that does feel like home. hopefully a place closer to the southeast and friends and family.

i'll leave you with a few adorable pictures of jonah, who is now 3 times the size he was when he was born!

i hate performing

so, last night emily and i played at the roasterie...a nice coffee shop here in kansas city. it was SO much fun! if i can toot my own horn a little...we did great! i felt like we were both so at ease that it was as if we were just singing in my living room. the last couple of weeks i really wanted to back out. we've had so much going on in our lives...from starting to interview at churches, tony working doubles, and jonah being a lot more of a handful...that i just felt a little overwhelmed. plus, i was just so dang nervous! in college, i used to get nervous EVERY single time before a concert or recital. the last year or so, it's gotten a lot better. not that i perform a lot, but leading music on sundays does the same thing to me. it took a good 6 months before i didn't feel like my stomach was going to explode every sunday morning! luckily yesterday i had to work so that took my mind off of the whole thing for a few hours. but, around 3:45 the fun began...yup, the normal nerves kicked in.
when we got up to sing, though, i was totally fine. i felt so relaxed and at home up there. i'm sure a lot of it was the venue. the people were all so welcoming (and mostly friends) and the atmosphere was very laid back. it helped to have emily standing beside me too. when i did a few songs on my own i felt a little nervous but still nothing like how i used to feel all throughout a concert.
so i guess what i'm saying is that i always thought i hated performing. i hate being the center of attention. i hate being up in front of people. i hate having everyone staring at me. i hate talking in front of more than 10 people. i hate feeling like my stomach might just crawl up and die for hours beforehand. but last night i LOVED it! it just felt so natural. i loved sharing music with the crowd. and i even talked and didn't really mind. (yes, it was super cheesy, but talking none-the-less!)
i am so pumped about singing again. we're going to try and get another 'gig' lined up at the roasterie. (gig sounds so silly to say...like i'm a rock star or something). and hopefully we can play at other places around town. i'm only sad that we didn't do this earlier. who knows where we (the jecks) will be in the next few months.
but...while i'm here, i'm gonna sing my little heart out.

and so it begins...

jonah starting crawling on sunday! i can't believe it. he woke up from his nap and i put him on the floor in the living room and off he went! he's already bonked his head, torn down some beads, and gotten really upset because we wouldn't let him play with the tv. amazing how our lives have changed simply because jonah can move.
my friend, josh, said this is what his dad always says about crawling. and because i suck at telling things exactly right, i'll just paraphrase. "crawling is just the beginning. now they'll spend the rest of their lives moving away from you." kinda sad, but seems pretty accurate. i mean, if time keeps going by as fast as it has been the last 8 and 1/2 months, jonah will be leaving for college tomorrow!
so i'm so excited that my little baby is learning and growing and figuring things out, but i'd be okay if he just stayed small forever. i guess he'll always be my little boy...even if he is 6'3" and married with a baby. please don't let that day come too soon!

turn and face the strange ch-ch-changes

so i'm new to the whole "blogger" world. i've had xanga for some time now, so it's not like i have no clue what is going on. but, for those who care, this will mostly just be about the jeck family life...ok, mostly mine, but tony and jonah won't be totally excluded. tony thinks blogging is pretty ridiculous. so i'm sure he's thrilled that i'm starting a new one! ha! i guess it's the whole writing-out-all-your-thoughts-and-dreams-for-the-whole-world-to-see part that really gets him. plus i think it can be a place for people to "puff themselves up". but, hopefully i won't be any poofier when i'm done. :) let me know if i start tooting my own horn. man...i'm starting to sound like lori with all my cute little sayings. however, i think, unlike her, i got most of them right.

on to the good stuff. tony and i interviewed at a church last weekend. it went really well. we like the people and the little town a lot. just waiting now. waiting to see if we get a huge epiphany or something like that. i knew this would be a weird, difficult thing but i never realized just how right that was until now. i know God doesn't necessarily have this set place God wants us to be, but i still think God cares about where we end up. so, we're praying and waiting and waiting and praying.

jonah is growing like a weed (props again to lori). he is only days away from crawling. he can get where he wants to go now just by rolling/scooting/belly flopping, etc. time to start "baby-proofing". but seriously, babies have gotten along just fine for centuries without all the corner protectors, spring latch cabinets, and fences. what they tell you to do in the books is a little much if you ask me. now don't worry, we are taking precautions. you won't read about jonah being electrocuted or anything. we had to move his mattress down the other day because he can pull up on the side now. it's just so hard to believe he's already 8 months old. i want him to crawl, but i don't...i just want him to stay my little baby forever.

getting ready to go

wearing (and trying to eat) daddy's hat

having fun in salem, il

"ra ra ra"

we (and by "we" i mean "i") take tons of pictures...i heard that syndi...so i'll be posting them often for your viewing enjoyment and mostly just to show off the cutest, sweetest little boy ever! hey, that's not puffing me up, just jonah! i'm allowed to do that, right?